It has now been about five months since we have been sheltering in place or social distancing and living with the reality of Covid and it’s painful consequences. One painful reality is that we have faced so many losses, almost simultaneously and of different kinds. Examples of these losses include: the unexpected deaths of our loved ones, the loss of health of Covid survivors, job losses, the lack of predictable income and means of affording our basic needs like food and shelter, and the loss of a way of life, from restrictions imposed on how we socialize or how we can interact with each other in our church communities. Normal milestones are delayed as people defer graduation ceremonies, weddings, and funeral services. Sometimes, we experience multiple losses in close proximity to each other and it can be overwhelming. We have much to grieve about at this time.

Even though grief is a normal and natural reaction to experiencing losses of any kind, the pain of it is an experience that most of us are uncomfortable processing for ourselves or with others. Deep down, our bodies and souls know that grief and loss are contrary to God's original design for humanity and his plan of how we should experience each other and the world. In our fallenness, we tend to create coping mechanisms to avoid the pain, relying on our own strength and resources. So when times of crisis and uncertainty hit, it is difficult for us to turn to God to mourn and be comforted. 

Even caregivers, at times, will avoid the discomfort and pain of the grieving process. This month’s tool, adapted from material in the Redeemer Counseling Mourning with Hope grief curriculum, will discuss common ways we avoid grief and factors that influence the way people grieve. This tool will be helpful in identifying what to pay attention to in processing your own grief and becoming more comfortable with mourning with others.

So it is helpful for people to process their experiences and make sense of them in a Christ-centered way. However, during times of high stress and crisis, people who we encounter may not be in an optimal zone of functioning where they can effectively process their experiences. They may be in a state of hyperarousal, in which the body is overreacting, such as with a racing heartbeat, or in a state of hypoarousal, in which the body is underacting and numbing emotions. When we can identify those reactions, then we can intervene to bring our system back to the optimal zone, called the Window of Tolerance, a state where our brains are able to take in information and integrate it in a helpful way to move us to a place of safety and clarity. This is an ideal space to work on processing, for yourself or when ministering to others. In I King 19, we see Elijah exhausted and fearful after defeating the prophets of Baal and having his life threatened by Jezebel, and God's angel ministers to him simply by providing a cake and a jar of water, telling him to "Arise and eat" (v.6).  This month’s tool presents the Window of Tolerance framework to help you assess and understand where someone is in their experience of a situation. The tool will also offer some ways to guide people back into an optimal zone of processing.