Those of us who counsel people struggling with sexual addiction, including pornography addiction, know that one of the biggest challenges is helping people hold on to hope. There are many reasons why people develop addictions, but hope that freedom from addiction is possible is the deciding factor.

Hopelessly stuck? Hope becomes even more elusive the more addicts make excuses, give into temptation, and fail to change. Eventually, they become resigned to staying stuck. What adds to the experience of being stuck in sexual addiction, unlike many other addictions, is that sexual temptation seems impossible to avoid. Whether it's merely interacting with people, or dealing with personal fantasy, the temptation to lust is always there, always available in some form, and free. It is easy to feel that this is a hopeless battle.

The freedom to choose true intimacy. Although addicts often feel trapped in their addiction, there is a way out. Sexual addicts have chosen to exchange the offer of true union with Christ for a fleeting pleasurable experience, a taste of counterfeit intimacy, as well as having power over another. Tragically, they've made this choice repeatedly to keep away a feeling of weakness and by doing so have forfeited God's unique and necessary help to liberate them. While it's true they can't free themselves, it's not true that they can't be free.

Embracing weakness is the key to hope. This experience of helplessness is often mistakenly viewed as the problem, but it isn't. Helplessness makes us feel weak, and we hate that. Yet God doesn't hate weakness at all. In fact, God goes out of his way to care for the weak and is constantly using weakness to display his glory and power. He himself says, "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9). Jesus dying on the cross is the pinnacle of God delighting in weakness. But in our hatred of weakness, we often resort to the one thing God truly hates: sin. We use sin to cover our weakness and by doing this we push away the only help and hope that we have.

The strength of hope through the power of Christ. The hope lies in choosing to embrace how helpless they are and bring it to Jesus, saying "I'm weak, and I need your grace by the power of your Holy Spirit." This is incredibly painful but incredibly good! Fleeing to Jesus to walk with them through the pain may or may not get them relief in the moment, but they will be healed and will discover the greatest motivating power and hope: Him.

Discovering choices: keeping a daily journal. Having led sexual addiction counseling groups for many years, I discovered it’s very helpful for those who struggle to better understand the kinds of choices they are making and the kinds of things they believe about themselves, God, and their addiction. One effective exercise is to journal about the experience of fighting temptation. This tool below is a daily journal I use in my group. It includes five questions to help zero in on exactly what is happening and what they are doing when they’re feeling weak and sex is beckoning.