In my work with couples, I see their deep desire to get along, feel at home with each other, and enjoy life together. Yet, even small misunderstandings and mistakes can disrupt their connection. Couples quickly realize that their differences extend beyond preferences and habits—they often have fundamentally different understandings of love. Their expectations for how love should be expressed and received can vary greatly, creating painful challenges in their relationships.

To help couples navigate their differences, it is useful to assess how each person attaches to and interacts with other people. How our early experiences of relationships affect our current way of relating to others, called Attachment Theory, has been extensively researched. Learning about and assessing attachment styles can help you better understand how couple dynamics develop and impact relationships, including barriers to more intimate connections. This is a two-part Toolkit series. This month, we will explain three common attachment styles and how they surface in a relationship. Next month, we will share tools to help couples connect more effectively using their attachment style as a guide.