Why do some couples seem to thrive in their relationship while others struggle? Every couple has conflict and goes through difficult, painful experiences together. But when couples feel connected and safe with each other, they find difficulties easier to navigate.

One common mistake we make when counseling couples is that we focus only on solving problems and miss helping them build a foundation of friendship. When we work with couples to deepen their friendship, we increase their resilience against the stress of conflict and give them greater ability to work together as part of the same team.

In marriage expert Dr. John Gottman’s research on couples, he discovered that stronger couples practice two behaviors that increase their capacity to stay connected:

They have a higher ratio of positive to negative interactions.

They respond positively to each other’s bids for connection.

This month’s tool focuses on coaching couples to build their friendship and develop these two proven habits.