The Life of Redeemer Counseling Services
Connecting the gospel and mental health is an important part of our ministry. During Mental Health Awareness Month in May, we saw our counseling sessions rise. We also are encouraged as we see more churches learning to address issues like anxiety, depression, and generational trauma from the pulpit.
To help churches better meet the mental health and emotional needs of their congregants, we continue to grow our training arm. In the past year, we have partnered with three churches to train their leaders—including deacons, youth pastors, elders, children’s workers, teachers and volunteers—in foundational counseling and listening skills.
We also celebrated as our fifth Fellows Program cohort completed their nine-month journey.
Where Is God When You Are Lonely?
Angela Adour, M.A. — Counselor
Do you feel deeply lonely? Loneliness is becoming increasingly common in our nation. A recent Cigna study found 60% of American adults struggle with loneliness and 36% report having no one they can turn to. Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy says loneliness in America is an epidemic. Scripture tells us relational disconnection was not God’s original plan for humanity. When sin entered the world (Genesis 3), there was an immediate breakdown of perfect relationships with others. We still long for that relational perfection today. We want to be sincerely known and deeply loved.
We are wired to draw near to others and we experience great pain when we do not have it. Neuroscientists have discovered our brains cannot tell the difference between that social pain and physical pain. So what do we do with that loneliness?
Learn more about the effects of loneliness and ways to handle it, as you walk with God.
The Effects of Loneliness:
Since our thoughts, emotions, and bodily processes are interconnected, we know loneliness affects our entire being. Loneliness has been found to be as detrimental to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It increases the risk for developing a variety of mental and physical health conditions such as depression and heart disease.
We may feel lonely when our relational expectations differ from reality. It’s possible to feel lonely even while surrounded by a large social network. It’s also true that solitude doesn’t necessarily equate to loneliness. Feelings of social satisfaction or dissatisfaction are unique for each of us.
What should I do if I am lonely?
Here are some tips on how to handle loneliness, laid out in the acronym, S.C.A.N.S.
Self Compassion: Approach yourself kindly
Since loneliness is isolating, we must be gentle with ourselves and embrace a posture of self compassion. Remind yourself that loneliness is a common and widespread human experience. Cultivate kindness in your self talk. Avoid shaming yourself for feeling lonely. Author and pastor Paul Tripp explains, “No one is more influential in your life than you, because no one talks to you more than you do.” Often loneliness results from something beyond your control, like rejection from others, life circumstances, or suffering from disabilities, both physical and mental. One way to have compassion towards yourself in these out-of-control situations is to give yourself space to grieve your losses, seek counseling, or work through some of these other steps as you are able.
Curiosity: Assess your desires for connection
Leading with curiosity, compassionately ask yourself questions. What doesn’t feel good about my social state? Is it the quantity or quality of my connections? Maybe it’s both? Do I feel excluded by others? Is it hard for me to trust that people are safe? What would I like to be different?
Arrange: Consider goals and plans
Based on your answers to the previous questions, consider creating a few goals for building more connections. For example, “I will invite someone out to coffee this week.” “I will introduce myself to someone at church.” To meet your goals, arrange a simple plan; start small and go slow. If you feel uncomfortable making direct connections with others, consider volunteering with a local non-profit organization or at church where you experience more indirect connections, while also working for a common good or mission.
If you suffer from social anxiety, your goals may have to look different and that’s okay! Consider your plan through the lens of your comfort level. Then choose a goal that stretches you just a little bit. A plan could be to smile at your bus driver or to compliment a stranger. Build slowly. There is no need to rush. Remember, be gentle with yourself in this process.
Nearness: Follow a plan to draw near
As you put a plan into action, especially as you form new patterns and habits, take time to reflect on how well an action helped you draw near to others. What felt right about trying something new? What felt hard? Was the loneliness soothed a bit in working out your plan? In time, as you continue to work toward your goals, you may stretch yourself a bit more and expand your strategies to build connections or draw near to others.
Spirit: Trust that God’s Spirit is at work
As you begin drawing near to others, tell God about your experience. As you ask the Lord for help, trust that God’s Spirit is at work in you and in your effort to connect with others. Believe that God is working things together for your good (Romans 8:28).
If this approach feels uncomfortable or even impossible to do alone, it may be best to have the support and encouragement of a counselor, pastor, or friend as you assess your desires for connectedness.
Where is God when I am lonely?
Scripture orients us to God’s omnipresence (Psalm 139:7-10). No matter where you go, God is there. However, it’s also true that, in our broken world, we still feel the sting of loneliness. God cares about your loneliness. Psalm 25:16 gives us language for our experience to turn to God and lament, “Turn to me, be gracious to me for I am lonely and afflicted.” Cry out to God and receive his comfort. Tell him how you feel as you pray, journal, and move throughout your day.
As you do, also remember he’s with you, and you are a part of his family. And Psalm 68:6 explains, “God sets the lonely in families.” If you are a believer, be encouraged by the breathtaking truth that God’s Spirit even dwells within you (Rom. 8:11, 1 Cor. 6:19, 2 Tim. 1:14).
Finally, 1 Corinthians 8:3 tells us, “Whoever loves God is known by God.” You are known by God. May this truth remind you that loneliness does not get the final word. You are sincerely known and deeply loved by God, your Creator.
Need Ministry Support? Fellows Application Closes June 30.
The Redeemer Counseling Fellows Program supports your ministry by providing training in foundational counseling skills and connecting you with other leaders. Fellows helps you build better pastoral care in one-to-one interactions, in community groups, and city outreach.
9-month program (September - May)
6:30 - 9 p.m., Tuesdays, twice a month
Location: Attorney Street Church, Manhattan
New computers for counselors…a staff retreat for self care and strengthening our team…Diversity, Equity and Inclusion training…camera gear
These are a few items on our 2023 Wish List. We allocate donations for client care, training church leaders and congregations. In doing so, we run very lean on administrative overhead costs. However, as COVID has made our services more needed and more in demand, we would like to ask for your help to care for our counselors and our staff. If you are able, please consider giving toward one or more of these items—or help cover the cost of part of an item, like sponsoring one computer at $1,000. And as always, your prayers for us are priceless and coveted too!